Thursday, August 19, 2010

Crustaceanness

First off I know I've been MIA and not commenting on your blogs and all. But I'm home and that means little or no spare me time, so bear with me. When I get back to uni I'll catch up on all I've missed. I hope :)

Being home's weird. Hard facts hit home, old friends rediscovered, new friends make waves in our lives. The family never changes at the core though and I like that. That's what coming home means. PEOPLE I belong to. And I've found that I can find that in something other than blood relatives. I'm not too sure what to make of it though.

My family's my family and I've always known they'll be around to catch me and I've never wanted anyone else to cushion any falls before this. Now, I'm afraid that I've become dependent. Yeah, I used the D word. Dependent. And it nags at me.

I've always been me, doing what I want when I want. I'm not a rebel nor a trend-setter. I'm just content to be and believe that in whatever I do, I need to do it right. Now I've begun wondering what THEY think of me. These new people I've become dependent on. And I don't like it.

I'm afraid that these bonds will be severed come a few weeks, coz face it I have massive commitment issues and I know I might end up walking away. I just hope they keep me coming back for more because from where I'm standing right now, the view's pretty good and if I do have to budge, I hope I try to scale this mountain again.

~There's always gonna be another mountain, I'm always gonna wanna make it move~ Yep. I was inspired by Hannah Montana. Lolx.

Back to my train of thoughts. Actually winding country road of thoughts would be more appropriate.

I find myself with this insane need to UNDERSTAND people. I know. Knock me flat and call me blind. I've always liked being able to read people, figure out what makes them work. Hence the field I'm in right now. But there've been a couple of people of late where I want to know every single mundane detail. I wish people came in cans with the ingredients written on the label, along with the calorie count. Then I wouldn't become so bloody obsessed with figuring them out and I can go back to being nice old peace-loving garden-weeding couldnt-give-a-damn-bout-who's-not-talking-to-whom me.

Might as well wish I was a crustacean living in the Pacific then, huh?

Bottom line is this. I'm interested, aware of my inability to commit longterm, too curious even for my usual nosiness, annoyed at myself, slightly excited at my non-crustaceanness.What, I cant be all a lump of cynicism, now can I? I need to believe in SOME things.

I believe in NON CRUSTACEANNESS among other things :)

p/s: Crustaceans feature big in my blog, all for different reasons. I'm gonna have to start a label on that soon. Soon-ish

7 comments:

jaacostan said...

its love and desire..the reason for all commitments :-) lol

but only the family( parents) never cheat. hope so !!

Me-shak said...

Hey, it's good to see you post again. It's totally okay about the comments. Family comes first. It must be super to have met your family. Looking forward for photos and more posts.

Cheers!

rainfield61 said...

You are such a complicated person. Take it easy, it will be alright.

Kirigalpoththa said...

NON CRUSTACEANNESS - That is a good one. One more word to the English language :)

jaacostan said...

love is always risk.. :-) :-)
commitment is like a hanging sword about your head. ..lol

and marriage,oops..u almost hanged... :-)

without risk and commitments,its a dead life.

take more "Risks :)"

Loshini said...

jaacostan:
Thanks much for your comments.You seem more complicated than me though :p

Me-shak:
I'll do my utmost best :)

Rainfield:
Hahah...I always have faith

Kirigalpoththa:
Hehe... i'm glad my brainchild has you amused

Chavie said...

And dependency isn't always a bad thing, is it? ;) (Says the guy who lives and breathes with his parents)

I love reading people too. I guess we all do, to some extent. :)

And I'm sure the family thinks of you as someone who's got it all figured out, since you're no trend-setter or rebel. :D

Hope to see more posts from you in September, Losh. :D