outlet

She’s the one that ignited that spark, the one with the approval of close knit friends. I’m the one you’re dating today. I cant listen to 3 doors down without wondering if each time you sing along to it you think of what could have been.

I know she’s the one that could have been. I am the one that is.

I am the one you talk to about toilet habits and she’s the one who took the wind out of your sails.

If you remember correctly, I’m the one people said don’t date. They asked and I quote: “You sure ah dei..?”

Think I am overreacting? But if 2 yrs after the fact there’re still suggestive comments about what you and she could have been or might still have in between, I beg to differ. The silent support of friends and innocuous teasings might be in  light humour, but isn’t there an ounce of truth to each ‘Just joking la bro..’?

If I had gone out on a few casual dates with someone else from a close circle of friends and now years later, people still think I should try hooking up with that guy, I dare you to look me in the eye and say ‘I wouldn’t be insecure’ .

Rationalization would say you’re with me because you want to. Rationalization would also ask why. I work 68hr weeks with barely enough energy to hold a conversation with you 6 days out of 7, and when we do talk we end up squabbling. She’s the sort of girl that would stop traffic and I’m probably on the other side of the kerb when it comes to personal charms.

If you say it’s coz I care it helps somewhat. But rationalization would also be able to show you that  anyone can care for you the way I do. It’s not that hard to like you and it gets easier from that point on to keep caring deeper.

She could make Superman weak and eager to spend time with her. I'm the one who keeps talking to you to spend time with you even when you'd rather be doing other things.

That said and done I’ll be around till the day you decide otherwise. Laying my cards on the table plain and clear. 

Since you work with facts I laid 'em out. Since we both know I have a tendency to let emotions rule, let me say this. It hurts. Like shit. Every single time. I thought it would lessen with time and I've learned how to numb myself to it to a certain extent. But this New Year seems to have brought it back out with a reality like the jagged edges of a rusting penknife. 

I don't blame your friends, I don't blame you. I should be out there proving I deserve you instead of her but there are so many rules and limitations. And what do I have to up against her? It's not a competition but if you were to put us both on a shelf, the more logical choice would be blatantly clear to a blind man. 

Am just taking it one day at a time and laying my cards out in plain view. Forgive the occasional outlets but saying it out or in this case writing it cant be much worse than holding it in.

I ask again: would you rather be with the one that got away? Because the last thing I want is to hold you back from something that could make you a happier more fulfilled person.

**disclaimer: the above is dramatisation for the sake of emotional release ;)**