Bear :)

from http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/funnypictures/ig/Funny-Global-Warming-Pictures/Polar-Bear-Global-Warming.htm

All my hairs stood on end and that was saying much as there is a reason people call me the Bear, and it has nothing to do with my low scratchy voice.. :-|

The air was thick with moisture and I watched in bemusement as the air fogged up as I spoke to my cousins. The tea plantations were a shade of green I have never seen before and there was a sweetish odour to the air, quite unlike the processed tea leaves I had been so accustomed to.

As my mother and uncles reminisced, pointing out places where they had made memories during their childhoods, as they recalled their Father and how he had been a man of standards, I felt a bit more proud of my family. I mean how many families took the effort to organize an outing on a frequent basis like we did? At a time when family values were being queried, I could be certain that I come from a background that reassures me that family is the core of a person’s being.

Then my phone beeped. It was a message: Wer bear voice.. Three words spoke volumes. It hit me that as much as my family needed me, there was another soul out there, quite unconnected by blood, that for reasons I’ve yet to fathom has formed an attachment to me.

Twenty minutes later as we stopped for lunch, I excused myself and called that other soul. As much as she made it clear that she needed me and wanted me in each part of each day, I do too. For only God knows what reason, we’ve become a part of each other’s lives. Sometimes I feel she believes she’s already family, but I always knew she was a little strange even before I started dating her :P

By the way, this was when I was at Camerons ;)

- by a Beary Cold Guest Writer

Over

The semester, my undergrad life. New beginnings, continuations, whichever way I want my loved ones there each day. God willing..

Butterfly Kisses - Bob Carlisle

There's two things I know for sure:
She was sent here from heaven and she's
daddy's little girl.
As I drop to my knees by her bed at night
She talks to Jesus and I close my eyes and
I thank god for all the joy in my life
Oh, but most of all
For butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer;
sticking little white flowers all up in her
hair; "Walk beside the pony, Daddy, it's my first ride."
"I know the cake looks funny, Daddy, but I sure tried."
In all that I've done wrong I know I must
have done something right to deserve a hug
every morning and butterfly kisses at night.

Sweet 16 today
She's looking like her mama a little more everyday
One part woman, the other part girl.
To perfume and make-up from ribbons and curls
Trying her wings out in a great big world.

But I remember
Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer; sticking
little white flowers all up in her hair.
"You know how much I love you, Daddy, But if you
don't mind I'm only gonna kiss you on the cheek this time."
With all that I've done wrong I must have done
something right to deserve her love every morning
and butterfly kisses at night.

All the precious time
Like the wind, the years go by.
Precious butterfly.
Spread your wings and fly.

She'll change her name today.
She'll make a promise and I'll give her away.
Standing in the bride-room just staring at her.
She asked me what I'm thinking and I said "I'm not
sure-I just feel like I'm losing my baby girl."
She leaned over...gave me butterfly kisses with her mama there,
Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair
"Walk my down the aisle, Daddy-it's just about time."
"Does my wedding gown look pretty, Daddy? Daddy, don't cry!"

Oh, with all that I've done wrong I must have
done something right.
To deserve your love every morning and butterfly
kisses-I couldn't ask God for more, man this is what love is.

I know I gotta let her go, but I'll always remember
every hug in the morning and butterfly kisses.

Chokes me up for no good reason.

Introducing the Art of Baby Care

Decided to tap into my maternal side and this is all I could come up with.. for all of you new parents... coming from seasoned veterans in the baby business, allow my to impart my limited knowledge in the field of raising kids :-p

And btw, if a friend of yours has kids, buying baby wipes is a big favour. Really :-|

Insecurities

You know the normal story

How he loves you and leaves?

Fights and lies mar the memory

Tears fall for a time so brief?

Then you wake up from the stupor

Heart barricaded, crocodiles fed

Then you wake up from the stupor

Resolute to not be in pain and sad

Then you wake up from the stupor

But the crocodiles have become meaner

You’ve fed them don’t you see,

The unnamed beasts have been fed!

You smile again, survive and dance away,

No mention of crocodiles by any breadth

Brave upfront yet afraid to let ‘em in,

The friends you haven’t met at arm’s length

You laugh and go through the routine…

Until…

One day the meticulous dams break

The fortress falls to ruins over time

Your armour rusts off piece by blasted piece

You let your guard slip, unknowingly perhaps?

And someone makes it in:

A friend you can trust

Someone who cares in too blatant a way

No deception, just plain sincerity

Honesty so painful that the beasts are silenced

And even you begin to think ‘em slain

Then something reminds you they’re there

Watching, waiting, hungry for a morsel…

And yet the friend stays

‘For some crocodiles,’ he says

‘You need to wield the knife yourself

I killed nine of ten

I left you one, just one tiny one

To help you grow, to help you decide

And through it all, I’ll be at your side’

‘So fuck the crocodile,’ I say

‘Let’s go catch that movie at nine’

Istanbul and Me

Hi all :) Been some time since i read a decent blog, much less posted one. Been kinda preoccupied, my apologies. Nyways, here I am, 6 days into my winter hols, uploading a few pictures from our 3-day transit in Istanbul on the way home last summer. Just to add a dimension to it, am tacking on some feelings to each image.

An old tree in the Hagia Sophia Musuem. A lot of wonder and enthusiasm was poured into Ottoman relics and bejeweled daggers and teapots (yes, there was a ruby inlaid teapot), but just as much amazement and awe was found in this tree, hollow inside, yet still providing shade. 

When I see you with another, this is is how I feel. Like there's something gnawing at me from the inside out, but yet I stand there, unwilling and unable to move. Jealousy and Commitment.

A pup on the grounds of the Sultan Ahmet (Blue) Mosque. I come from a Muslim country and transiting in yet another Muslim country, I was touched to see the casual passerby feed stray dogs and cats alike. And shockingly, the stray looks almost like a pure breed Lab, don't you think?

Each moment spent with a loved one is like the moment the pup had, lying in the sun on the fluffy green green grass. A feeling of comfort and peace. Content :)

This is the replica of the candle chandeliers they had in the Hagia Sophia Cathedral. The Cathedral is easily one of the most beautiful buildings I have ever seen - even in the state of reconstruction it was in! Despite the 70 odd tourists in the same building complex, there was a calm about the area, unmatched in any other part of Istanbul.

Sharing small everyday things with a loved one switches on a myriad of bulbs in me, each one almost routine, but not a single mundane one unimportant. Many small things that matter to me, that keep me warm inside.

The curved domes of the Sultan Ahmet Mosque, the interior covered entirely by mosaic. Another intiguing thing is that this building has no corners, each angle is rounded. The prevailing hues of blue and gold gives it its alternative name - the Blue Mosque. And apparently it's considered sunnah for a Muslim to pray here. Aside from the central mosques in Mecca, this mosque is another one of the holy centres of Islam, or so a friend told me.

Beauty at a glance, but as we consider each slab of mosaic, we realise that's what we are. Just stone without others around us. And we realise that each of us contribute to make the bigger picture that much more alluring as we reach out to others. Humanity.

Blue sky with distant clouds, the deep blue sea. A view from the grounds surrounding the Hagia Sophia Museum. A warning to the wary, the grounds is extensive and it took us fairly fit individuals a full 10 hrs to complete it without break. There are benches around for people to sit and catch their breath, but we were on a  tight schedule and each wonder had us trotting form one to the next ceaselessly, like workaholics on amphetamine.

The want in us to seek greener pastures. The drive to go the distance and race along to an unknown destination. The stuff of dreams and that which fuels aspirations and consistent hardwork. Ambition. 

We had the chance to take the Bosphorus cruise and view the East and West banks of Istanbul. Surprisingly the cruise is government run and it costed 3 Lira - I think! I cant remember for sure now :P... 3 Lira is approximately 3USD, which works out to about 10bucks of my home currency. Not too steep a price for travelling students I feel :) Each cruise ship had floats lined up one the sides like this one and we saw the remnants of the old forts and watchtowers, the homes of the wealthy, lush greenery that later reminded me of Kerala a bit, and the famous Bosphorus bridge, a picture of which I think we and has to be somewhere in the collection of Istanbul pictures.

For a person afraid of open water, you make me want to jump into the cold waters anyway. Why? You make me feel safe and cared for, that's why. Security.

     The Hagia Sophia Cathedral and the Sultan Ahmet Mosque stand as symbols of religious renaissance in Istanbul. Also The Spice Bazaar, Central Bazaar, lighthouse, Caverna Basilica (which is eerily beautiful!), and the Hagia Sophia Museum are places not to be missed. 

     Will try to dig up some pictures and write another post some time :) 

     Oh and if you're at Istanbul, do walk along the tramline, use the tram with their cute red tokens, try their non-melting icecream, drink their apple tea, and don't forget to try their small ring shaped pastry with kas-kas on it. If you arent a travelling student on a  tight budget, Turkish tapestries and rugs should be on your wish list too :P 

     Turkey is worth the visit..! :)

The Checklist

Part A: Why relationships suck.

• \       When A tells you that B’s talking about you, and each day you see B and smile anyways?
• \       When you still care enough to make decent conversation with B, not because you want to make peace, but because years of companionship has to mean more than all the backstabbing and b*llsh*t-mongering?
• \       When you’re p*ssed off enough to come up with a dumbass checklist like this one?
• \       When you’re on auto mode and you listen to how much your loved ones are fed up with their better halves?
• \       When you know your loved ones’ better halves are wrong, but put in a kind word anyway (a) to make it seem okay and for their peace of mind and (b) you don’t want to be the ‘bad guy’ in their lives?
• \       When you have to tell them the other half is not worth their effort and tears and you feel like the bad guy nyways?
• \       When you wake up to go through a routine that has long since ceased to make sense to you?
• \       When A and B silently hate each others’ guts, and you just want to stay freaking neutral?
• \       When you realize you’re not a saint either because you have terrible thoughts about A and B and the the whole circus connected to them?
• \       When you want to sit in the room and not fr*aking talk to anyone because another smile or another snide remark is more than you can take?
• \       When you wish you had the b*lls and lack of coutesy to bash another’s teeth in for a sarcastic smile/remark, but you don’t?
• \       When you/others make mistakes and they never let it go?
• \       When they make mistakes and forget that others have already let go?
• \       When they go on and on and on about the same crap they’ve been spouting for years, allowing slight variations in the narration for dramatic effect?
• \       When you hear them say freaking discouraging things about things and people you love?
• \       When they seem to have forgotten that for some dumba*se reason you always had their back and never let others speak ill of them?
• \       When you want to ask them to shut the h*ll up because you don’t give a rat’s a*se about who did what and said what?
• \       When what they say about who said what and did what nags at your mind?
• \       When you feel like a total retard dealing with f*cking retards the whole day and get that scrunched up feeling in your shoulders?
• \       When you squint in frustration at a person who either intentionally or unintentionally made your day go from good to bad to worse and then hit rock bottom and even lower?

Part B: Why relationships rock.

• \       When you get home grumpy, disheartened and there’s a hand that draws you close and kisses your forehead.
• \       When there’s a friend you can sit next to and discuss things from nuclear fission and bladder catheterization to teletubbies and how cucumbers reproduce to V8 engines and vacuum cleaners.
• \       When there’s another who wants to sit there next to you and sip steaming tea from the same mug.
• \       When there’s someone who sees only you in a crowded room.
• \       When there’s mum and dad and the whole family works.
• \       When there’s home in a person you love.
• \       When there’s a person who knows your mum and dad and the whole family works and asks after them.
• \       When there’s comfort to do everyday small things with another.
• \       When another wants you to know every small detail of his/her life.
• \       When you want to hold another person close to make his/her day better.
• \       When you wake up and you know you fell asleep next to the right person.
• \       When you know for a fact that for every 500 screwed up relationships, the one right one makes it all worth it.
• \       When you thank the higher powers for letting you have that one right relationship.
• \       When you stop worrying and being afraid because there’s a person holding your hand.
• \       When you hold that person’s hand back.
• \       When you rant and rave at a person who cares enough to listen?
• \       When you listen to a friend rant and rave about his/her messed up day.
• \       When you share the good details of a day and the sh*tty parts don’t seem so big anymore.
• \       When you share a laugh over a joke and the scrunched up feeling in your shoulder loosens up.
• \       When you make someone’s frown bumps disappear and make them smile for real.
• \       When you come up with mushy cr*p like this checklist.

If you have all ticked in Part A and even one ticked in Part B of the checklist, then trust me, you’re doing pretty great :)

Makes Me Laugh Every Single Time :)

Everybody Loves Raymond. One of my best series ever!!Next to the Little Lulu Show. :|... K not true, but Little Lulu IS quite high up on the list of stuff I love watching. Along with Nigella Bites, While You Were Out, Globe Trekker and a whole load more. I'm a TV hog when I get home.. Few things can trump decent TV programmes for me I guess :P

Homesick

The title says it all. Ggrr...I'm homesick for the people I love.

Kaarthigai

It coincides with the 15th day of the Hindu month of Kaarthigai, when the moon is full and the Keerthika star is visible in the night skies, or something along those lines. The astrological part escapes me.
     Mum told me a week back but I forgot completely. Then BB called and it hit me that for the first time in 24 years I wouldnt be vegetarian on this day. A day many non Hindus think is Deepavali but is not, though some consider it an extension. It's a day where Lord Shiva made himself a single speck of light, hence why we worship the flame; a day where six small boys became One for the love of a Mother; a day I find more exciting than Deepavali, more so for it's lowkey home celebration scale.
     I miss running from porch to backyard and making my way up the staircase to the altar to light the little clay lamps we call agal vilakku with my siblings and parents. 

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     I miss the small prayer as my eyes take in the myriad of flower offerings at the table which serves as our altar at home.

dreamclicks.blogspot.com/
200501/
light-up-my-home.html

     I miss running around with a scrap of cloth to dab up oil spills despite the folded layer of paper we place meticulously under each lamp to prevent such things.
     What I would give to sit at home, all lights switched off and just watched the flickering lights in the still humid darkness of the warm tropics.
     What I would give for the small smiles we exchange as we genuflect on our efforts as a team.
     Strangely, I even miss collecting the used lamps and cleaning them up.
     Most of all, I miss celebrating it at home. The memory of last year's Kaarthigai at home is making me smile now, a welcome recluse from the previous 4 years of it practically not being celebrated here away from home. This year I brought the agal vilakku with me and will place one at the doorstep to my room when the sun sets at 4pm.
     Am looking forward to future Kaarthigais with my loved ones.
     Thank you BB, thank you Amma. Happy Kaarthigai to all who celebrate :) 

Becoming Family

The Cab Ride

This includes a number of slangs commonly used back home and is inspired by a friend who was hobbling around on crutches :)

That Friday morning Jarod’s cell phone rang at 6.30 a.m. He had gotten to bed only at 2 after cleaning up the kitchen where his brother had been camped out, working on something called ‘autocad’. Jarod did not know much about computers, he could use one and that was enough for him. His younger brother however was doing engineering and knew computers as well as Jarod knew the backlanes of KL.

Eyes heavy from barely 5 hours of sleep, he blinked a few times as he answered the phone. “Hello?”

“Hi, I got your number from a neighbour, I hope I didn’t wake you?” The voice was hesitant and seemed to belong to girl, probably in her late teens.

“It’s all right, moi.” Jarod wriggled his toes experimentally, trying to wake his sleeping body up.

“Are you free to send me to the hospital, Mr. Tan?”  There was a note of urgency in her voice.

Jarod squinted at the alarm clock on his side table. “Where do you live?” he asked, deciding that he might have enough time to squeeze in one more person before his regular customer, Puan Faira.

“Padang Jawa. My brother…I think he may have broken his leg. How fast can you get here?”

Jarod weighed the options between the highway with the toll charges and the back roads with minimal traffic. 

He sighed a small sigh and concluded that he would have to end up paying the toll-man. This sounded like a real emergency. “Fifteen-twenty minutes, can?”

“Yes. Thank you.” She gave him her home address and hung up.

Jarod washed up hurriedly, scribbled a note for his two siblings, stuck it on the fridge with a magnet, made sure he locked the door to his modest home and jumped into the taxi, dressed in the white shirt and black pants which was the uniform of all taxi drivers like himself.

He was at the house within 25 minutes.

Waiting outside the house were an odd couple: a tall lean man in his late twenties sitting with his legs stretched out in front of him on the porch and a girl in her mid twenties, eyebrows knitted in a worried frown.

Jarod pulled up in front of them and stepped out to open the back door. The man leaned on the girl and he hobbled on his left foot to the opened car door.

“Thanks, man,” he said as he slid inside.

The girl nodded at him and got into the co-driver’s seat. “GH. Take the fastest route, please.”

Jarod nodded back and got behind the wheel and changed his gear and cut out into the road smoothly. The girl looked strangely familiar and he felt puzzled by her voice which sounded much younger than she looked.

He clicked on the indicator and looked left-wards as he tried to cut into the highway traffic that was already building up. As he did so he noticed her uptight manner, her long dark straight eyelashes and the slightly messy ponytail she had pulled her dark hair into in a hurry. She swallowed and he saw the beginnings of a dimple at the corner of her mouth.

“Man, watch it! The motorcyclist!” The injured guy almost yelled from behind.

“Sorry, boss. These motorcyclists ah, they’re a health hazard!” he responded automatically and turned forward to keep his eyes on the road again.

“Maybe you should watch the road and not her.” The man’s eyes flashed with anger in the rearview mirror and Jarod decided it wiser to keep his mouth shut.

Something in the man’s face made him look up twice. There. At the corner of his left eye was a faint scar, a single white line, much like the one on his own face. Subconsciously his left hand went to the scar on his right cheek.

Jarod glanced up again but the man’s face was turned away. “I’m sorry, are you from KL?” he asked over his shoulder.

“How does that matter to you?” The man’s voice was abrupt.

“You just don’t look like a KL-ite,” Jarod said placatingly. “Did you move here from somewhere up north?”

“You ask a lot of questions.” The man’s eyes were narrowed as he stared back at him in the rearview mirror, 

the scar visible once more in his reflection. “This is why I told you I’d drive,” he said at the girl in the front seat.

“With your broken leg?” The girl’s voice was calm.

Jarod’s heart was beating faster. “Kedah? Slim River?” he asked without thinking.

The girl turned to look at him. “Why do you say that?”

“All right, just stop the cab right here. That’s enough. I don’t know who you are but she knows Taekwondo, 

and I have a licensed revolver in this bag right here.” The guy patted a cloth bag they had brought with them.

Jarod could not help grinning. “Yes, yes and your dog’s a Doberman who can follow the scent of my cab, right or not, leng chai?” He turned to the guy in the back seat and pointed at the scar on his cheek, one hand still on the steering wheel. A moment later his eyes were on the road again, but the corners of his mouth were curled up in the beginnings of a smile.

The girl’s eyes widened and became fearful, convinced that they were in the cab of a serial murderer, or stalker or worse. To her utter astonishment she heard a guffaw of laughter from the back, which made her 

turn around to look at her brother.

“How bloody long has it been? Jerry, you ass!” Her brother was doubled over in laughter.

She stared at the taxi driver who was grinning like a madman now.

“You and I are supposed to get married,” he told her, winking.

“What?” was all she could manage. She turned back to look at her brother who had tears in his eyes from laughing so hard.

“Sal, you remember Jerry from primary school, don’t you?” her brother asked, eyes twinkling and ankle pain forgotten.

She shook her head.

“Sure you do, remember the guy I hit with the 7-Up glass bottle? He hit me back, remember? An eye for an eye?”

Sal felt her heart thump against her chest once and she felt her cheeks flush. “Jer? No way…”

The guy behind the wheel was still grinning. “Yes, I’m the one who kissed you and proposed to you la,  before your brother whacked the living daylights out of me, his best buddy.”

“Hey, my body ached for a week after that, all right? Who did the whacking of the daylights out of whom, huh?” Her brother reached forward and slapped the other guy’s shoulder playfully.

“Keh-keh! He’s driving!” Sal admonished him.

“Right. I forgot you said ‘yes’ to him. You two always ganged up on me,” her brother replied and leaned back into the seat, eyes crinkled up with laughter.   

*****

Jarod laughed. “OK, OK, you two must come over for dinner tonight. Keith would have just finished his model presentation today and Crystal’s on her school holiday. I cook very well, one.”

“Where are Aunty and Uncle?” Sal asked, without thinking,

“They passed on two years after we moved. Why do you think I’m driving a taxi?” Jarod gave her a half-smile, hoping that his voice did not sound too bitter. He always felt their loss even these many years after the fact.

“I’m sorry,” her brother said, seeing that Sal was at a loss for words. “It must be hard for you.”

“It’s OK. I earn quite well. Enough to put Keith in university and get Crystal things that she wants for school.” He shifted gear and pulled up at the entrance of the reception area of the hospital. “Go ahead, I’ll wait in the canteen till you two finish. Give me a call when you are done.”

“You sure you want to wait, Jerry?” Sal asked, helping her brother out of the back seat.

“Can. No problem, one. Don’t worry.” He gave her a reassuring smile.

The brother and sister got out of the cab and as they walked away, Jarod heard Sal say, “It’s a pity, he was a very good student, wasn’t he, Keh-keh?”

Jarod sighed and pulled out his cell phone and looked for Puan Faira’s number. He was going to have to ask her to take a different taxi to work today.

Word count: 1402 (!!!)

Maybe I should have ended it at at the point marked ‘*****’?