Over

The semester, my undergrad life. New beginnings, continuations, whichever way I want my loved ones there each day. God willing..

The Kitchen Business

*WARNING: Do not read if you are vegetarian, or have a particularly sensitive stomach :)

Y was smiling, telling me about how she planned to cook the chicken, what she had put into the marinade and it hit me that we were almost what we used to be – good friends.

We had met in Primary 1 – I think we were seated next to each other on the first day of class (I forget exactly…)

Then that day, almost two decades later, we stood in the same common kitchen; Y pushing the chicken aside and reaching for the basin with prawns in them, and I at the sink, gutting the awful fish that would be dinner.

“Yeah, I miss our markets, where the Aunty will de-scale, gut and cut up the fish into beautiful pieces,” I said over my shoulder at her, wincing inwardly at the slippery feel of the fish stomach lining that I was trying to remove.

“I know! And here, the marketing is a lot more expensive. It’s, what, more than double of the price we pay at home, plus the products aren’t exactly fresh, are they?” From the corner of my eye I saw her yanking off the head of an orange prawn which came off with a squishy sound, making us giggle.

I rinsed off the pieces of fish and took the twenty steps it takes me to get into my unit door where I unceremoniously stuffed the now clean and cut fish into my tiny refrigerator. 

“Where’s N?” Y asked me when I walked back into the kitchen.

“Sleeping, we finished at 4 this morning.” My roommate and I had been at another friend’s room, celebrating a birthday Malaysian style with a midnight rojak party after a major exam.

I half filled my pot with water and plopped the whole chicken in, waiting for it to defrost.

“Move over, Y.” I made my way to the other end of the kitchen and grabbed my cute little knife and started deveining the pile of headless prawns on her chopping board.

“You’re gonna die…!” Y said in a gruesome voice and snapped the head off the beady-eyed crustacean in her hand.

I concealed a smile. It felt good to have her friendship again. The last four years of awkwardness was fading away from my memory, that time when we had only said hi and exchanged formal pleasantries with each other.

Today, we aren’t exactly soul confidants to each other, but we can still depend on each other.

We have different groups of friends, but that is ay-oh-kay. We have become such different people, but we have somehow rediscovered how to click. That bond that had sprung between us during our school days apparently never really broke, it just got a bit frayed, and I have the kitchen and the time we spend in it to thank for realising that piece of truth.

               

Note: I discovered sometime ago that my Pakistani friends do not eat sea produce as they are not considered ‘halal’, which means that they’ve never tasted prawn/crab/shellfish before. They can eat fish though. I find that fascinating for some odd reason… Maybe it’s like a no pork, no beef thing in Muslims and Hindus and some Buddhists?

Istanbul and Me

Hi all :) Been some time since i read a decent blog, much less posted one. Been kinda preoccupied, my apologies. Nyways, here I am, 6 days into my winter hols, uploading a few pictures from our 3-day transit in Istanbul on the way home last summer. Just to add a dimension to it, am tacking on some feelings to each image.

An old tree in the Hagia Sophia Musuem. A lot of wonder and enthusiasm was poured into Ottoman relics and bejeweled daggers and teapots (yes, there was a ruby inlaid teapot), but just as much amazement and awe was found in this tree, hollow inside, yet still providing shade. 

When I see you with another, this is is how I feel. Like there's something gnawing at me from the inside out, but yet I stand there, unwilling and unable to move. Jealousy and Commitment.

A pup on the grounds of the Sultan Ahmet (Blue) Mosque. I come from a Muslim country and transiting in yet another Muslim country, I was touched to see the casual passerby feed stray dogs and cats alike. And shockingly, the stray looks almost like a pure breed Lab, don't you think?

Each moment spent with a loved one is like the moment the pup had, lying in the sun on the fluffy green green grass. A feeling of comfort and peace. Content :)

This is the replica of the candle chandeliers they had in the Hagia Sophia Cathedral. The Cathedral is easily one of the most beautiful buildings I have ever seen - even in the state of reconstruction it was in! Despite the 70 odd tourists in the same building complex, there was a calm about the area, unmatched in any other part of Istanbul.

Sharing small everyday things with a loved one switches on a myriad of bulbs in me, each one almost routine, but not a single mundane one unimportant. Many small things that matter to me, that keep me warm inside.

The curved domes of the Sultan Ahmet Mosque, the interior covered entirely by mosaic. Another intiguing thing is that this building has no corners, each angle is rounded. The prevailing hues of blue and gold gives it its alternative name - the Blue Mosque. And apparently it's considered sunnah for a Muslim to pray here. Aside from the central mosques in Mecca, this mosque is another one of the holy centres of Islam, or so a friend told me.

Beauty at a glance, but as we consider each slab of mosaic, we realise that's what we are. Just stone without others around us. And we realise that each of us contribute to make the bigger picture that much more alluring as we reach out to others. Humanity.

Blue sky with distant clouds, the deep blue sea. A view from the grounds surrounding the Hagia Sophia Museum. A warning to the wary, the grounds is extensive and it took us fairly fit individuals a full 10 hrs to complete it without break. There are benches around for people to sit and catch their breath, but we were on a  tight schedule and each wonder had us trotting form one to the next ceaselessly, like workaholics on amphetamine.

The want in us to seek greener pastures. The drive to go the distance and race along to an unknown destination. The stuff of dreams and that which fuels aspirations and consistent hardwork. Ambition. 

We had the chance to take the Bosphorus cruise and view the East and West banks of Istanbul. Surprisingly the cruise is government run and it costed 3 Lira - I think! I cant remember for sure now :P... 3 Lira is approximately 3USD, which works out to about 10bucks of my home currency. Not too steep a price for travelling students I feel :) Each cruise ship had floats lined up one the sides like this one and we saw the remnants of the old forts and watchtowers, the homes of the wealthy, lush greenery that later reminded me of Kerala a bit, and the famous Bosphorus bridge, a picture of which I think we and has to be somewhere in the collection of Istanbul pictures.

For a person afraid of open water, you make me want to jump into the cold waters anyway. Why? You make me feel safe and cared for, that's why. Security.

     The Hagia Sophia Cathedral and the Sultan Ahmet Mosque stand as symbols of religious renaissance in Istanbul. Also The Spice Bazaar, Central Bazaar, lighthouse, Caverna Basilica (which is eerily beautiful!), and the Hagia Sophia Museum are places not to be missed. 

     Will try to dig up some pictures and write another post some time :) 

     Oh and if you're at Istanbul, do walk along the tramline, use the tram with their cute red tokens, try their non-melting icecream, drink their apple tea, and don't forget to try their small ring shaped pastry with kas-kas on it. If you arent a travelling student on a  tight budget, Turkish tapestries and rugs should be on your wish list too :P 

     Turkey is worth the visit..! :)

The Checklist

Part A: Why relationships suck.

• \       When A tells you that B’s talking about you, and each day you see B and smile anyways?
• \       When you still care enough to make decent conversation with B, not because you want to make peace, but because years of companionship has to mean more than all the backstabbing and b*llsh*t-mongering?
• \       When you’re p*ssed off enough to come up with a dumbass checklist like this one?
• \       When you’re on auto mode and you listen to how much your loved ones are fed up with their better halves?
• \       When you know your loved ones’ better halves are wrong, but put in a kind word anyway (a) to make it seem okay and for their peace of mind and (b) you don’t want to be the ‘bad guy’ in their lives?
• \       When you have to tell them the other half is not worth their effort and tears and you feel like the bad guy nyways?
• \       When you wake up to go through a routine that has long since ceased to make sense to you?
• \       When A and B silently hate each others’ guts, and you just want to stay freaking neutral?
• \       When you realize you’re not a saint either because you have terrible thoughts about A and B and the the whole circus connected to them?
• \       When you want to sit in the room and not fr*aking talk to anyone because another smile or another snide remark is more than you can take?
• \       When you wish you had the b*lls and lack of coutesy to bash another’s teeth in for a sarcastic smile/remark, but you don’t?
• \       When you/others make mistakes and they never let it go?
• \       When they make mistakes and forget that others have already let go?
• \       When they go on and on and on about the same crap they’ve been spouting for years, allowing slight variations in the narration for dramatic effect?
• \       When you hear them say freaking discouraging things about things and people you love?
• \       When they seem to have forgotten that for some dumba*se reason you always had their back and never let others speak ill of them?
• \       When you want to ask them to shut the h*ll up because you don’t give a rat’s a*se about who did what and said what?
• \       When what they say about who said what and did what nags at your mind?
• \       When you feel like a total retard dealing with f*cking retards the whole day and get that scrunched up feeling in your shoulders?
• \       When you squint in frustration at a person who either intentionally or unintentionally made your day go from good to bad to worse and then hit rock bottom and even lower?

Part B: Why relationships rock.

• \       When you get home grumpy, disheartened and there’s a hand that draws you close and kisses your forehead.
• \       When there’s a friend you can sit next to and discuss things from nuclear fission and bladder catheterization to teletubbies and how cucumbers reproduce to V8 engines and vacuum cleaners.
• \       When there’s another who wants to sit there next to you and sip steaming tea from the same mug.
• \       When there’s someone who sees only you in a crowded room.
• \       When there’s mum and dad and the whole family works.
• \       When there’s home in a person you love.
• \       When there’s a person who knows your mum and dad and the whole family works and asks after them.
• \       When there’s comfort to do everyday small things with another.
• \       When another wants you to know every small detail of his/her life.
• \       When you want to hold another person close to make his/her day better.
• \       When you wake up and you know you fell asleep next to the right person.
• \       When you know for a fact that for every 500 screwed up relationships, the one right one makes it all worth it.
• \       When you thank the higher powers for letting you have that one right relationship.
• \       When you stop worrying and being afraid because there’s a person holding your hand.
• \       When you hold that person’s hand back.
• \       When you rant and rave at a person who cares enough to listen?
• \       When you listen to a friend rant and rave about his/her messed up day.
• \       When you share the good details of a day and the sh*tty parts don’t seem so big anymore.
• \       When you share a laugh over a joke and the scrunched up feeling in your shoulder loosens up.
• \       When you make someone’s frown bumps disappear and make them smile for real.
• \       When you come up with mushy cr*p like this checklist.

If you have all ticked in Part A and even one ticked in Part B of the checklist, then trust me, you’re doing pretty great :)

Homesick

The title says it all. Ggrr...I'm homesick for the people I love.

Rediscovering A Friend

I haven’t dreamt of you in sometime

And today we spoke as friends

Friends who laughed much over a pint

Expressions that said more than a mime

We have somehow replaced lost time,

With good intentions and a smile

We have rediscovered friendship:

that which was yours and mine.

I used to dream of you for long hours

Times when I walked away and left you there

A recurring nightmare I stole what was ours

And left you alone, confused and bare

Yet today we spoke as friends

Friends who shared more than a pint

And I’m glad we took that step to show we care.

Becoming Family

The Cab Ride

This includes a number of slangs commonly used back home and is inspired by a friend who was hobbling around on crutches :)

That Friday morning Jarod’s cell phone rang at 6.30 a.m. He had gotten to bed only at 2 after cleaning up the kitchen where his brother had been camped out, working on something called ‘autocad’. Jarod did not know much about computers, he could use one and that was enough for him. His younger brother however was doing engineering and knew computers as well as Jarod knew the backlanes of KL.

Eyes heavy from barely 5 hours of sleep, he blinked a few times as he answered the phone. “Hello?”

“Hi, I got your number from a neighbour, I hope I didn’t wake you?” The voice was hesitant and seemed to belong to girl, probably in her late teens.

“It’s all right, moi.” Jarod wriggled his toes experimentally, trying to wake his sleeping body up.

“Are you free to send me to the hospital, Mr. Tan?”  There was a note of urgency in her voice.

Jarod squinted at the alarm clock on his side table. “Where do you live?” he asked, deciding that he might have enough time to squeeze in one more person before his regular customer, Puan Faira.

“Padang Jawa. My brother…I think he may have broken his leg. How fast can you get here?”

Jarod weighed the options between the highway with the toll charges and the back roads with minimal traffic. 

He sighed a small sigh and concluded that he would have to end up paying the toll-man. This sounded like a real emergency. “Fifteen-twenty minutes, can?”

“Yes. Thank you.” She gave him her home address and hung up.

Jarod washed up hurriedly, scribbled a note for his two siblings, stuck it on the fridge with a magnet, made sure he locked the door to his modest home and jumped into the taxi, dressed in the white shirt and black pants which was the uniform of all taxi drivers like himself.

He was at the house within 25 minutes.

Waiting outside the house were an odd couple: a tall lean man in his late twenties sitting with his legs stretched out in front of him on the porch and a girl in her mid twenties, eyebrows knitted in a worried frown.

Jarod pulled up in front of them and stepped out to open the back door. The man leaned on the girl and he hobbled on his left foot to the opened car door.

“Thanks, man,” he said as he slid inside.

The girl nodded at him and got into the co-driver’s seat. “GH. Take the fastest route, please.”

Jarod nodded back and got behind the wheel and changed his gear and cut out into the road smoothly. The girl looked strangely familiar and he felt puzzled by her voice which sounded much younger than she looked.

He clicked on the indicator and looked left-wards as he tried to cut into the highway traffic that was already building up. As he did so he noticed her uptight manner, her long dark straight eyelashes and the slightly messy ponytail she had pulled her dark hair into in a hurry. She swallowed and he saw the beginnings of a dimple at the corner of her mouth.

“Man, watch it! The motorcyclist!” The injured guy almost yelled from behind.

“Sorry, boss. These motorcyclists ah, they’re a health hazard!” he responded automatically and turned forward to keep his eyes on the road again.

“Maybe you should watch the road and not her.” The man’s eyes flashed with anger in the rearview mirror and Jarod decided it wiser to keep his mouth shut.

Something in the man’s face made him look up twice. There. At the corner of his left eye was a faint scar, a single white line, much like the one on his own face. Subconsciously his left hand went to the scar on his right cheek.

Jarod glanced up again but the man’s face was turned away. “I’m sorry, are you from KL?” he asked over his shoulder.

“How does that matter to you?” The man’s voice was abrupt.

“You just don’t look like a KL-ite,” Jarod said placatingly. “Did you move here from somewhere up north?”

“You ask a lot of questions.” The man’s eyes were narrowed as he stared back at him in the rearview mirror, 

the scar visible once more in his reflection. “This is why I told you I’d drive,” he said at the girl in the front seat.

“With your broken leg?” The girl’s voice was calm.

Jarod’s heart was beating faster. “Kedah? Slim River?” he asked without thinking.

The girl turned to look at him. “Why do you say that?”

“All right, just stop the cab right here. That’s enough. I don’t know who you are but she knows Taekwondo, 

and I have a licensed revolver in this bag right here.” The guy patted a cloth bag they had brought with them.

Jarod could not help grinning. “Yes, yes and your dog’s a Doberman who can follow the scent of my cab, right or not, leng chai?” He turned to the guy in the back seat and pointed at the scar on his cheek, one hand still on the steering wheel. A moment later his eyes were on the road again, but the corners of his mouth were curled up in the beginnings of a smile.

The girl’s eyes widened and became fearful, convinced that they were in the cab of a serial murderer, or stalker or worse. To her utter astonishment she heard a guffaw of laughter from the back, which made her 

turn around to look at her brother.

“How bloody long has it been? Jerry, you ass!” Her brother was doubled over in laughter.

She stared at the taxi driver who was grinning like a madman now.

“You and I are supposed to get married,” he told her, winking.

“What?” was all she could manage. She turned back to look at her brother who had tears in his eyes from laughing so hard.

“Sal, you remember Jerry from primary school, don’t you?” her brother asked, eyes twinkling and ankle pain forgotten.

She shook her head.

“Sure you do, remember the guy I hit with the 7-Up glass bottle? He hit me back, remember? An eye for an eye?”

Sal felt her heart thump against her chest once and she felt her cheeks flush. “Jer? No way…”

The guy behind the wheel was still grinning. “Yes, I’m the one who kissed you and proposed to you la,  before your brother whacked the living daylights out of me, his best buddy.”

“Hey, my body ached for a week after that, all right? Who did the whacking of the daylights out of whom, huh?” Her brother reached forward and slapped the other guy’s shoulder playfully.

“Keh-keh! He’s driving!” Sal admonished him.

“Right. I forgot you said ‘yes’ to him. You two always ganged up on me,” her brother replied and leaned back into the seat, eyes crinkled up with laughter.   

*****

Jarod laughed. “OK, OK, you two must come over for dinner tonight. Keith would have just finished his model presentation today and Crystal’s on her school holiday. I cook very well, one.”

“Where are Aunty and Uncle?” Sal asked, without thinking,

“They passed on two years after we moved. Why do you think I’m driving a taxi?” Jarod gave her a half-smile, hoping that his voice did not sound too bitter. He always felt their loss even these many years after the fact.

“I’m sorry,” her brother said, seeing that Sal was at a loss for words. “It must be hard for you.”

“It’s OK. I earn quite well. Enough to put Keith in university and get Crystal things that she wants for school.” He shifted gear and pulled up at the entrance of the reception area of the hospital. “Go ahead, I’ll wait in the canteen till you two finish. Give me a call when you are done.”

“You sure you want to wait, Jerry?” Sal asked, helping her brother out of the back seat.

“Can. No problem, one. Don’t worry.” He gave her a reassuring smile.

The brother and sister got out of the cab and as they walked away, Jarod heard Sal say, “It’s a pity, he was a very good student, wasn’t he, Keh-keh?”

Jarod sighed and pulled out his cell phone and looked for Puan Faira’s number. He was going to have to ask her to take a different taxi to work today.

Word count: 1402 (!!!)

Maybe I should have ended it at at the point marked ‘*****’?

Crustaceanness

First off I know I've been MIA and not commenting on your blogs and all. But I'm home and that means little or no spare me time, so bear with me. When I get back to uni I'll catch up on all I've missed. I hope :)

Being home's weird. Hard facts hit home, old friends rediscovered, new friends make waves in our lives. The family never changes at the core though and I like that. That's what coming home means. PEOPLE I belong to. And I've found that I can find that in something other than blood relatives. I'm not too sure what to make of it though.

My family's my family and I've always known they'll be around to catch me and I've never wanted anyone else to cushion any falls before this. Now, I'm afraid that I've become dependent. Yeah, I used the D word. Dependent. And it nags at me.

I've always been me, doing what I want when I want. I'm not a rebel nor a trend-setter. I'm just content to be and believe that in whatever I do, I need to do it right. Now I've begun wondering what THEY think of me. These new people I've become dependent on. And I don't like it.

I'm afraid that these bonds will be severed come a few weeks, coz face it I have massive commitment issues and I know I might end up walking away. I just hope they keep me coming back for more because from where I'm standing right now, the view's pretty good and if I do have to budge, I hope I try to scale this mountain again.

~There's always gonna be another mountain, I'm always gonna wanna make it move~ Yep. I was inspired by Hannah Montana. Lolx.

Back to my train of thoughts. Actually winding country road of thoughts would be more appropriate.

I find myself with this insane need to UNDERSTAND people. I know. Knock me flat and call me blind. I've always liked being able to read people, figure out what makes them work. Hence the field I'm in right now. But there've been a couple of people of late where I want to know every single mundane detail. I wish people came in cans with the ingredients written on the label, along with the calorie count. Then I wouldn't become so bloody obsessed with figuring them out and I can go back to being nice old peace-loving garden-weeding couldnt-give-a-damn-bout-who's-not-talking-to-whom me.

Might as well wish I was a crustacean living in the Pacific then, huh?

Bottom line is this. I'm interested, aware of my inability to commit longterm, too curious even for my usual nosiness, annoyed at myself, slightly excited at my non-crustaceanness.What, I cant be all a lump of cynicism, now can I? I need to believe in SOME things.

I believe in NON CRUSTACEANNESS among other things :)

p/s: Crustaceans feature big in my blog, all for different reasons. I'm gonna have to start a label on that soon. Soon-ish

Why Summer is Sweet ;)

Comin’ home to walk those well loved roads again :)

We're officially 6th years and I should be jumping for joy and grinning like an idiot, but instead a thousand thoughts are running through my mind. I have NO IDEA how to pack my two suitcases and a million last minute things have seemed to crop up out of nowhere. Every year, I get this feeling, this tightness in my chest as I wait to see my loved ones. Waiting. Packing.Flying. Transiting. Walking around, sight-seeing and shopping. Flying. Landing :)

I hate take-off but love the moment we land. The moment those rubber tires hit home soil is something I could never describe.

I hope there's crab kootu curry waiting for me. Oh, wait. That can't happen because the only one who knows when I'm landing is my brother, keeper of secrets and driver of the Vios :)

Then I'll hope for crab kootu curry over the weekend once my family's gotten over the shock of seeing me. And I REALLY wanna see the girls again.

Woo-hooo!!! No exams for 2 months :)))))))

Movement

I was browsing through my D and a few pictures caught my eye. Without realizing what it was that made me open each file, I had 6 pictures minimized onto my taskbar, each one showing movement.

So I grouped them chronologically and found each one represented one year, except for the last two… weird, huh? Anyway, here they are :)

2005-06

First snow fight ever. Everyone’s moving and the picture’s blurry due to poor focusing, but I like the way everyone’s in a different position. Talk about a literal cold war :P

 2006-07

It was a tradition when we lived together during our orientation period to celebrate each birthday with a bang. One of the ickier traditions involves covering the birthday boy/girl from head to toe with flour and eggs.

This was when a friend cracked an egg and flung it at the birthday boy. Hehe… it made Ki duck for cover and the hovering egg overhead looks pretty unbelievable! Cool, eh? ;)

2007-08

During our outing to Yalta, Herb was trying for a star jump off a ledge, but it ended up looking like this! Maybe it was the Nike shoes...? Just do it! ;)

2008-09

I love this shot, which unfortunately I did not take :P I like the way the two at the side are closing in on the ball, eyes upward at the opponent and how the guy in the centre in taking a leap toward the ball, attempting to kick it midair. The energy in the shot is kind of incredible, I think.

2009

The quiet ones are usually up to something... If his eyes were visible, I’m sure they’d be sparkling with mischief! Notice the way the snowball is breaking off at the edges as Nav bounced it up and down in his gloved hand.

2010

A few weekends ago, at Saki. We lined up in a row and tried to toss the beach rocks back into the water. The winner was the one who tossed it out furthest, and the one who won it incidentally shares my name, except that hers is spelt with an E, as in to l-o-s-h-e-n-i :)

Can you see the blur of the pellets in the air before us? 

She shared with us later that the rock should be flat and fit comfortably into one’s palm for the best momentum and apparently we need to throw it with a flick of the wrist upwards, but by that time we had already managed to bury her in the sand and we couldn't hear anymore rock throwing tips... Hehe! :)

Saki Beach

It's Friday afternoon here and we just survived another major exam. The next 2 days are gonna be so hectic with tournaments and so many other things lined up I thought I'd post some pictures from our beach-BBQ-outing while I can. So, here goes...

We got there early and the water hadn't warmed up yet. Being the level headed adults that we are, we did this:

We ran screaming into the water and splashed around like a herd of hippos during the dry season, and had about as much fun :)

Then, our hunger set in and we got down to serious business. We ate. We barbequed. We sat and stared at the beautiful water, and marvelled at the sunlight glinting off its surface.We talked. And we ate some more. 

                           

Then we played touch rugby and volleyball till we got a bit bored and decided it was time for some torture. We caught a couple of our friends and buried them in the sand. The sand was warm on the surface and cool as we dug deeper. I particularly like this picture below: the hot afternoon sun cast our faces in shadows, brought out the deeper green of the sea and made the sky a heavenly blue - but I should just let you judge for yourself :) That's K in the sand by the way..

                             

We had to leave just before sunset, and though we didn't get a picture of the setting sun, we did manage to get this. The two boys in the picture add some character to it, I think.

                          

But I've always loved the sky meeting the sea and the sea meeting the shoreline ever since I was little.We are hoping to visit more places these next 6 weeks and maybe there'll be more amazing memories I can collect. We'll see...