Magic

Do I believe in magic? As a kid i loved storybooks about dragons and magicians; little sprinkles of pixiedust in a movie was a sure way to keep me quiet on a weekend afternoon; finding a fourleaf clover was a fascinating game...but did i ever BELIEVE in magic itself?

Magic to me is not about crooked pointed hats, varnished wooden staffs or chanting around a bubbling cauldron of boiling frogs' innards and heaven knows what else.. Magic to me is a bit more personal.

It's a call from your mother before the break of dawn each morning. It's in a roommate who fries an extra portion of scrambled eggs and the guy who offers his seat to an unknown stranger. It's the elderly lady who smiles at you as she walks her dog as you pass each other on the sidewalk. It's something within each of us.

But there's dark magic too. Those who hurt others in innumerable ways, those who break your faith.. they have at their will spells which form coalescing dark clouds, summon murderous thunderstorms of anger and lightning shards of betrayal.

so, i guess that i DO believe in magic. The good and the bad, but magic nonetheless.
I too am a spellcaster of sorts, and spells are just our thoughts and actions, only the outcome describing it to be either good or bad. There is no such thing as a good magician or evil sorceress. It's just magic, and it's up to us how to use it.

I'm here, tapping away at my keyboard to let my kinfolk know that you guys are my magicians and wizards. I can truly say that i believe in magic because of my family and friends, people who affect me everyday... The magic in you people is very real to me :)

so, here's to the wizards and sorceresses i dare to call friends and family. Cheers, folks! ;)

Little Things Almost Forgotten..

Firing up my neurons, trying to remember my top10 almost forgotten memories:

No. 10: Playing haunted house with a bunch of madcaps in the school library and AV room. I was the one who got scared most often with Prisy running around in the dark..but it was good fun! We should go back and visit some day..

No.9: sitting in a row at my aunt's house in Batu Pahat, eating instant noodles with my brother, sister and cousins.. when i was small, eating was NOT a favourite activity, but the company made it better

No.8: Being at Nan's house before school, playing with Ginger, and the walk through the back lane to school five minutes before the bell ;) n sneaking in through the side gate so that the discipline teacher would not catch us!

No.7: Playing basketball at Palm Court with the same madcaps.. wow! that was REAL freedom!

No.6: The first quarantine here due to the superbly cold winter.. one week of leisure, UNO and revelations *mysterious aura*

No.5: My day in the Moscow Airport. I slept on a steel chair and dreamt of home. Can't believe that i almost forgot that one!

No.4: Family showdown during my adolescent rampage. God, i would have slapped myself! =P

No.3: Jan 15, 2001. I'm actually finding it difficult to recall the details but i will never forget how i felt that day and in the long weeks that followed

No.2: Leaving home at the end of every summer. It never gets any easier, no matter what others tell you.

No.1: The taste of Amma's crab kootu curry. I'd better make sure that that's on the menu when i get home =)

There're a lot more, but these are the ones i'd almost lost in the maze of my mind. Thought i should type it out and save it in the effort to immortalise these moments =)

so, once again! Cheers to all my family and friends out there who've gotten me her and continue to inspire me through hectic and mundane days.. i wouldn't be who i am without you guys.. Yam seng!! =D

Giving

Christmas is less than a week away and the season of giving has already started.

There were clothes' donations, meal sharing, and advice-giving sessions all around this past week plus and I'm wondering when it'll stop. Talk about being a kill-joy =P

I actually enjoy the material goods sharing part and the getting together and bonding, but the ADVICE has to stop, man. They probably mean well, these friends of mine, but well, they don't have a clue what they are talking about.

It'll be all right if the advice was given to me alone, but it was done in a room FULL of people (OK, maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration there....=P). I appreciate the gesture, don't get me wrong, but as a friend I know says, one must 'ada hati' to take the next step.

Not to mention, there were some not too subtle moments in the wee hours of this morning where I wanted to stick my head into the ground like an ostrich out of sheer embarrassment. Oh, my God! Friends from hell... hehe... I still love you guys, though!

Yeah well, all that aside, to apologise or not to apologise, that is the question.

Considering how it's the season of giving and all that, I should just do that - apologise and make things right again. I'd actually rather just avoid the person involved for eternity but that's what a bloody13-yr-old would do.

Hence, here I am, giving myself the courage to do this right and move on with life. In this season of giving, I'm giving myself the gift of emotional freedom and honesty. What are YOU giving yourself?

Cooking vs. Starving

I like cooking. Cutting vegetable, onions, garlic and what-not is very structured and when I'm under pressure, i appreciate the routine. The cooking, which is an 'art of dumping everything within reach into the pot' is a vent for emotions and washing up later is satisfying, it gives me a sense of accomplishment. That was a month ago..

Haven't been cooking lately.

Probably coz after 3 plus weeks at home, i find my own food inadequate.

The taste of my mum's food, no matter how simple, always lingers in my palate long after the last morsels have taken their journey of ultimate destruction down my alimentary tract. I don't know how she does it but she must have magic at her fingertips coz after her food, even a dreary day has rainbows and chirping sparrows in it! really!

What i'd give for rasam, fried fish wid spinach and grated carrots prepared by my mother's very small hands right now...mmmm!

Cooking. I'll have to learn how to enjoy all over again now or i'll be starving this winter! =P

Moving

'All my bags are packed, i'm ready to go..." =)

I am finally moving and i'm kinda sad. i'll miss this floor wid all the people i bump into in the corridor and chat to while i do my dishes or stir my latest dish on the stove in the common kitchen. The four flight of stairs i walk up and down everday, the 'olga' and larissa mammas who sit at the kiosk and smile patiently as they try to understand my broken russian everytime i run out of water/groceries - they will all be lost in my memories wid time once i move and i dont like that..

this hostel is nice, fewer ppl i know, fewer ghost stories..hehe.. but change is inevitable.

i'm moving - to a place closer to all d ppl i know, closer to the eating places on campus, and the one-stop centre to call home n buy prepaid internet credit. i shud be happy and yet i'm not as happy i shud be. i've been here these past 3+ years and the familiar sights and smells have grown on me.

the move seems like such a big thing and it's eating up all my time n energy. i'm finally sitting down here, but tomorrow is another day of hauling bags against the chilly pre-winter wind to my new home for these final 2 years and i'm praying that god gives me the strength to pull through tomorrow and blesses the new home for my roomie n myself.

feeling a bit tired n

sorry for myself - pathetically - because this 'move' has been looming over us these past 2 months. Just wanna get it over with, but still gotta do it right!

but beyond all that i still have my good friends i can depend on to brighten up my day - 7 memories =) - n my family, which change as it does while i'm away, stil gives me the sense of coming home everytime i talk to or see them.

They say home's in one's heart and i know that even if i change addresses, deep down inside, my home has not changed..

so i AM moving, but my home's still the same =)