Giving

Christmas is less than a week away and the season of giving has already started.

There were clothes' donations, meal sharing, and advice-giving sessions all around this past week plus and I'm wondering when it'll stop. Talk about being a kill-joy =P

I actually enjoy the material goods sharing part and the getting together and bonding, but the ADVICE has to stop, man. They probably mean well, these friends of mine, but well, they don't have a clue what they are talking about.

It'll be all right if the advice was given to me alone, but it was done in a room FULL of people (OK, maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration there....=P). I appreciate the gesture, don't get me wrong, but as a friend I know says, one must 'ada hati' to take the next step.

Not to mention, there were some not too subtle moments in the wee hours of this morning where I wanted to stick my head into the ground like an ostrich out of sheer embarrassment. Oh, my God! Friends from hell... hehe... I still love you guys, though!

Yeah well, all that aside, to apologise or not to apologise, that is the question.

Considering how it's the season of giving and all that, I should just do that - apologise and make things right again. I'd actually rather just avoid the person involved for eternity but that's what a bloody13-yr-old would do.

Hence, here I am, giving myself the courage to do this right and move on with life. In this season of giving, I'm giving myself the gift of emotional freedom and honesty. What are YOU giving yourself?

Cooking vs. Starving

I like cooking. Cutting vegetable, onions, garlic and what-not is very structured and when I'm under pressure, i appreciate the routine. The cooking, which is an 'art of dumping everything within reach into the pot' is a vent for emotions and washing up later is satisfying, it gives me a sense of accomplishment. That was a month ago..

Haven't been cooking lately.

Probably coz after 3 plus weeks at home, i find my own food inadequate.

The taste of my mum's food, no matter how simple, always lingers in my palate long after the last morsels have taken their journey of ultimate destruction down my alimentary tract. I don't know how she does it but she must have magic at her fingertips coz after her food, even a dreary day has rainbows and chirping sparrows in it! really!

What i'd give for rasam, fried fish wid spinach and grated carrots prepared by my mother's very small hands right now...mmmm!

Cooking. I'll have to learn how to enjoy all over again now or i'll be starving this winter! =P

Moving

'All my bags are packed, i'm ready to go..." =)

I am finally moving and i'm kinda sad. i'll miss this floor wid all the people i bump into in the corridor and chat to while i do my dishes or stir my latest dish on the stove in the common kitchen. The four flight of stairs i walk up and down everday, the 'olga' and larissa mammas who sit at the kiosk and smile patiently as they try to understand my broken russian everytime i run out of water/groceries - they will all be lost in my memories wid time once i move and i dont like that..

this hostel is nice, fewer ppl i know, fewer ghost stories..hehe.. but change is inevitable.

i'm moving - to a place closer to all d ppl i know, closer to the eating places on campus, and the one-stop centre to call home n buy prepaid internet credit. i shud be happy and yet i'm not as happy i shud be. i've been here these past 3+ years and the familiar sights and smells have grown on me.

the move seems like such a big thing and it's eating up all my time n energy. i'm finally sitting down here, but tomorrow is another day of hauling bags against the chilly pre-winter wind to my new home for these final 2 years and i'm praying that god gives me the strength to pull through tomorrow and blesses the new home for my roomie n myself.

feeling a bit tired n

sorry for myself - pathetically - because this 'move' has been looming over us these past 2 months. Just wanna get it over with, but still gotta do it right!

but beyond all that i still have my good friends i can depend on to brighten up my day - 7 memories =) - n my family, which change as it does while i'm away, stil gives me the sense of coming home everytime i talk to or see them.

They say home's in one's heart and i know that even if i change addresses, deep down inside, my home has not changed..

so i AM moving, but my home's still the same =)

The Wonders of The Brain

Well, i've finally closed my friendster account! Blogs that have a special place in my heart/mind/whatever la... have been faithfully copied n pasted here, but i'm deviating. I wanted to spout nonsense 'bout the power of the mind.

It was weird. My friend has a cloth hairband she loves and one morning, she was hunting for it high and low. We went over what she had done the previous day and frankly we were amazed at how much we were able to recall. Our memory worked backwards from her putting her keys on the study table after entering the room, a white baby T she had been wearing as she sat at the computer (FB-ing no doubt), the three mugs of coffee I had forgotten to make even after setting the water to boil. She mentioned the smell of the coffee that i eventually made and we also both remembered the Arabic ringtone of somebody passing outside the door. We could even recall the conversation we had had almost word for word!

Even with all that blinding brain power, we still could not place the elusive cloth head band =P

Before you smack your head with your palm or hoot with derisive laughter, allow me to explain. You see, our fabulous neurons could not locate that blasted piece of decorative headwear because it was a third person who had moved it - and she had thrown it away!

What transpired after that involved 3 girls, a blue bag and lots of soap, but that's a tale for another day.

The moral of my inane ramblings is this : It's funny what the mind recalls, we just never realise what we are taking in.

Academicians have suggested a 'recalling therapy' where after a long exhausting day, the person is supposed to write down what he or she did/saw/heard/smelt all through out the day. It supposed to help ease tension, calm your nerves and increase memory power - things that we really need to survive in today's fast paced world. Just thought that i should share it with you guys =)

Pulling Through

How many times do I do this?

My heart is in tatters,

My tears are mere whispers,

Looking for another reason to smile from within.

A smile from within seems out of reach,

I scrub, i clean, i cookand wash,

I’ve yet to find my inner smile,

Though many a time i’ve gone the extra mile.

Love is a fairytale,

A lore of old that i’ve outgrown,

Blindfolded we try to pin on the donkey’s tail,

some get it right, others don’t

i don’t wish to play this game anymore.

I’m looking for a way out,

A way to find myself again,

innocence lost, happiness submerged,

I want to earth them all out again!

I’m pushing, i’m fighting,

And as i do my arms grow weary,

The waves and current guide me,

Carry me in gentle waves to the shore.

Now my chest is heaving,

My breath rumbles within,

I am gasping for golden air.

A gentle breeze touches my cheek,

The smell of grass and lavender ease my pain,

The call of a friend lifts the shroud,

I am home at last.

The innocence remains lost,

The submerged happiness a lesson learnt,

In their place is wisdom, love and God,

In their place is me, changed somewhat,

In their place is me, with the same bruised heart,

But I am whole, and i am home,

Thank you, dear God